Ever since Alexander Bell invented the telephone, women have been asking these questions: “Why didn’t he call me back?” “Why didn’t he call when he said that he would?” and “Is he ever going to call?” There are as many answers to the question “Why doesn’t he call?” as there are men in the world. Most men have their individual reasons; some of them are valid, some of them don’t make sense to women at all. Here are the most common reasons why he doesn’t call.
He doesn’t want to seem too eager. This is one of the most common reasons why he doesn’t call. This is most true in the early stages of a dating relationship. Most of the time he will call, but he won’t call back right away because he wants to give the girl the illusion that he actually has a life outside of this dating relationship. Even men who aren’t playing by the old-fashioned notion of “The Rules” really are. They want to be in control of the chasing. In this case, he will call, but on his terms and his timing. Women often think if he doesn’t call back right away, it means something terrible. Not always—sometimes he’s just waiting for the right time.
He changed his mind or is seeing someone else. While we would hope this is not the case, sometimes it happens that he’s not calling because he’s just not that into you. This one holds most true for those in the early stages of a relationship. In most cases he will change his mind if there have been few to no actual dates. If you met him at a bar, for example, and never heard from him again, then he probably sobered up and changed his mind or woke up the next morning and remembered that he already had a girlfriend.
He CAN’T call back. In these cases, he has an actual reason that has nothing to do with the girl in question. He might be fighting pirates, closing a big deal, composing a new opera, or visiting his grandmother in the hospital. Whatever his reason is, he has one, and when he has dealt with the pirates and the opera music, he will call you back, or call you like he said he would. This is for those who have been involved with him for a few months, or a few dates, and are genuinely confused as to why he doesn’t call.
He was drunk when he said he would call and has completely forgotten. You can insert any aspect of life into “drunk” and the concept would still hold true. Men have a lot on their plates and sometimes forget that they promised to call someone, especially if they just met her. If he likes her, eventually he will sober up and remember, but it could be a few days on this one.
He’s upset. For those who have been involved in a dating relationship for a little while, and he suddenly goes a little cold, not calling is often a sign that he’s upset. This doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the relationship, just that he needs a little cooling-off time. Are you waiting for him to call and make up after a fight? Did you say or do something that you know set him off, even a little? Maybe he’s not even upset with you in particular, but you have reached a point of progressing in commitment and he’s a little gun-shy. Not calling in situations like this would be his way of trying to sort it out on his own, before he has an actual conversation with you about it later.
He’s trying to figure out how much he likes you. This reason is for those who have been dating for a little while and are going to be taking it to the next level in the future. When he doesn’t call, what he is actually doing is trying to figure out how much he likes you. Sounds a little counter productive, but by not calling he is figuring out, with himself, what it is like not to talk to you all the time, and how not having you on phone standby makes him feel. If he’s into you, he will miss you and you will hear from him.
He doesn’t want to feel like he’s on a leash. This reason is most common for those already in long-term relationships. Marriage, engaged couples, and long-term couples experience this frequently. He just doesn’t want to call, because he wants to experience the freedom of single-hood on occasion by not having to check in every five minutes.
After considering all of the above … there is an age-old myth that when he’s not calling, he’s just not that into you. Realize that this is not always the case. Men are simpler creatures than women believe, and if they aren’t calling, there’s always a reason. But women unfortunately always jump to conclusions and think the worst. Why he doesn’t call isn’t always about the girl. Often enough just giving him the space he is taking without jumping down his throat about it will make you look like the cool girlfriend he knows and loves.
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