by: Daryl Campbell
There are a lot of changes going on in the society we live in. Some good; others not so much. Among the good is the breaking of certain stereotypes when it comes to man woman relationships. This is in large part due to not only the battles that were fought by previous generations but also the economic situations we find ourselves currently living under.
Decades ago a certain truth with sharp elbows forced its way into many relationships. What was it? That to make ends meet, let alone prosper, it would be necessary for both parties to earn a paycheck. That basic reality filtered into just about every aspect of society including dating.
But old habits and customs die hard. In a number of social circles, men are still supposed to be the breadwinners as well as the gentleman which mean on a date they are expected to pay the tab regardless of how expensive things get. It also does not help matters that there are still a number of women out there who go right along with this myth. Theyve been told by their mother, grandmother any other female relative as well as all their buddies that it is only proper that the man fork over the cash. Anything less is not acceptable.
Yet when a woman who has thrown off that stereotype offers to pick up the check or at least pay for her half of the date, the suggestion is dismissed. Even if a mans finances are hovering close to empty, he would rather wash dishes in the restaurant kitchen than have the women foot the bill.
For some men if the unthinkable does happen it becomes a blow to their ego or a test of their manhood. This can have a profound impact on not only the rest of the date but the future of the entire relationship.
That real or imaginary trial by fire is getting an extra dose of kerosene otherwise known as a recession. In her article for The Boston Globe appropriately titled Cant Buy Me Love, Meredith Goldstein writes, Some singles have taken themselves out of the running for love during this recession.
For some men it still comes down to an old fashioned notion that when they take a woman out they always pay for the date.
Being old-fashioned is all well and good for some things but when it comes to dating there have been a number of rule changes.
If the lady in your life is doing a little better than you are economically, than be thankful. It does not mean you should become bum extraordinaire and start hitting her up for cash every chance you get. Nor does it mean that she picks up the tab and starts lauding it over you; making digs subtle or blatant about your current situation. No one should have to put up with that.
It does mean however that if she feels good about you and the direction of the relationship than accept what is being offered without the ego driven need to feel obligated to pay her back.
This isn’t about having a crutch. If one person is down it is up to the other person to help out wherever possible. Thats what healthy relationships are supposed to be; a meeting of equals who share the good times and the ungood.
So stop thinking about how her generosity makes you look. Instead concentrate on other aspects of the date. If the two of you are laughing, relaxed and feeling good about each other than who does or doesn’t pay the tab is nothing more than an unimportant formality.
Article written by Daryl Campbell.
